10 Materials Not To Use When Building Your Sketchy Invisibility Suit

Hey perv – we know you’ve got that sweet set of plans for an invisibility suit stuffed into a desk drawer, waiting for you to finally man-up enough to realize your life-long dream of swimming naked in a busy public pool. We’ve got a few tips for you, though, because while it’s fine to be frugal, there are a few things you should NEVER build your suit out of.

Check out these 10 materials you don’t ever want to use when building your sketchy invisibility suit.

1. 600 used Snickers wrappers, stapled together and then ‘charged’ with an ultra-rapid magnetic field of your own devising.

2. A thin layer of clay, cooled down by a jungle river, and then smeared all over your body. This isn’t Predator, bro.

3. Pigeon shit, ground into a paste, and then taken internally. And then ground into a paste again.

4. Barbed wire, because man, that’s an obvious one, isn’t it?

5. A living beard of bees that covers not just your face, but your horribly-scarred genitals, plus your asshole, plus I guess your entire body, BUT WHY HAVE YOU READ THIS FAR BEES AREN’T INVISIBLE THIS IS A TERRIBLE PLAN!

6. The ghost of Macho Man Randy Savage’s feather boa, combined with a real boa constrictor, combined with simple stage magic.

7. All of the digits of pi, etched onto your skin like those pale dudes from Mad Max: Fury Road.

8. A refrigerator box.

9. Sure, the homeless are technically invisible, but what have we told you about skin suits in the past?

10. Plaid.

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