10 Reasons To Cancel Your Brazzers Account Right Now

Young Naked Man Watching Porn In His Kitchen

1. Because you haven’t put pants on since last Wednesday.

2. You’re Googling words like ‘inflammation,’ ‘glans,’ and ‘home remedies’ from your office computer, which is undoubtedly strike two on your HR file.

3. The number of unidentifiable line items on your credit card statement has grown to the point where you’ve attracted the attention of the FBI, the ATF, and the Postal Inspection Service.

4. You’re actually starting to learn a few words in Czech.

5. It’s impossible to tell whether you’re turned on by BDSM, or simply too frightened of intimacy to actually kiss a woman on the mouth.

6. You’re no longer phased by mysterious stains on the bus seat next to you.

7. You have a personal sales rep at Brazzers who calls you every two weeks to let you know what fetishes are about to ‘blow up big time’ on the ‘tube sites so you can ‘get ahead of the curve.’

8. For Christmas, your parents sound-proofed your childhood bedroom to avoid future awkward silences around the dinner table during holiday season.

9. Your right arm is four times the size of your left arm, to say nothing of the girth of your mousing finger.

10. You’re chronically de-hydrated and your boss is unwilling to accept another sick day for ‘heat stroke’ this quarter.




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