10 Rejected Godzilla Villains
Every good sci-fi reboot need a villain, but with so many retreads being spun out of Hollywood over the past decade we’re starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel when it comes to finding fresh bad guys to beat up on.
Check out this list of 10 rejected Godzilla villains and feast your eyes on just how thin the ranks are getting in the world of big-screen evil.
1. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
Sure, he almost destroyed New York, but if your mega-tall sugar-based baddie can be taken out by a chain-smoking Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis, how long could he realistically last against the vengeance of Tokyo’s protector? I guess the Giant Slorr passed on the project.
Sometimes, good guys go bad, but other times those good guys are a little too close to the intellectual property already owned by whoever the fuck financed MechaGodzilla, and therefore can’t be presented on-screen without a serious royalty payment that was already spent on the Red Power Ranger’s bail.
3. The Death Star
There’s really nothing Disney won’t do to try and boost toy sales of its Star Wars franchise these days, but both a Vader-vs-Godzilla and Godzilla-vs-Death-Star finale to the film have exactly the same problem, flipped 180 degrees. Also, Star Trek already tried it.
4. Predator from the Predator Movies
Finally, a chance for Carl Weathers to reprise his ‘fucking lizard’ line and actually make sense.
What other villain gives you the chance to include a really long, self-serving monologue delivered by a blind man in the middle of a fight sequence that looks like it was choreographed by whatever shaky moral compass is anchoring the franchise?
No, not the Michael Bay version of Megatron, but the animated, giant-robot-who-somehow-fits-in-Starscream’s-hand-when-transformed-into-a-gun version of Megatron, because Godzilla movies need more bizarrely co-dependent mechanical lovers.
7. Moby Dick
Herman Melville left a lot of unanswered questions at the end of his classic 19th-century novel about obsession – and what better way to satisfy them than via 21st-century computer-generated effects?
He’s a vegetarian, which one would think makes him Godzilla’s natural ally – but the third-act betrayal, combined with the four-hour dance-party scene stuffed into the middle of the film, will have critics ‘raving.’
9. The Kool-Aid Man
Did we mention that the entire film is now an early-80s throwback? And it’s in 3D? And it’s rated ‘Too Kool For School?’
10. Your Step-Father
No. That’s just too fucking terrifying.