3 Fun Tips To Spice Up Your Pet’s Interspecies Sex Life

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Is your pet showing you signs that maybe he or she is interested in more than just the standard doggy-style bump-and-grind, or shrieking alley-cat ecstasy? Are they paying a little too much attention to the screen when you watch Animal Planet? Does Rover get red rocket-ready during Shark Week? If you answered yes to either these or any of a series of increasingly disturbing questions about your awareness of your pet’s sex life, then maybe it’s time you helped Fluffy and Rex play the field and break through that species barrier that sensibly protects us all from chimaeric abominations.

Here’s how to spice up your pet’s interspecies love life and relieve some of that unnatural tension.

1. A Trip To The Zoo

What better way for your parakeet to get his filthy, feathery rocks off than by fraternizing with some of the sluttier members of the mammalian order? Those wings are free license to move from one enclosure to the next, pounding warm-blooded pussy and baboon-bald ass with his tiny bird-like genitalia until he collapses, spent, on your shoulder in a puddle of what you assume is the avian equivalent of semen and, apparently, lube. Who are you to deny your budgie the best afternoon of his short, short, miserable life?

2. Chatroulette For Dogs

I bet you didn’t even know there was a Canine Internet, let alone a secret underground community of exhibitionists and voyeurs calling it home. Fire up the web cam, dial-in your Tor browser, and hit chatroulette.canus.onion so your cat can walk on the wild side while watching a great dane ‘groom’ a border collie for $3 a minute.

3. Build A Fuck Shack

You don’t really need to know what your pony does when you’re at work, do you? Wouldn’t it be easier for the both of you if you built a reasonably-sized enclosure just behind the barn so that the other horses aren’t tipped off that Apples has crossed a line in the sand drawn by Nature with her intense desire to be dominated by the neighbor’s shi-tTzu? A little privacy can go a long way towards transforming fantasy into reality – and you can always install a secret web cam and make a little money on Horseroulette.com, too. It’s an idea that practically pays for itself!

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