3 Millennial TV Shows That Are Doomed To Failure


1. The Kale Economy

What if kale was more than just a leafy green you loved to hate? What if it became a currency, usable only to anyone under the age of 29, and created by a complex, digital algorithm that somehow encodes its bitterness and high vitamin content into an easily-shareable collection of ones and zeros? And what if it had $500 million in venture capital behind it? It’s still not going to work, bro, especially if you cast Scott Eastwood and Lena Dunham in any role, period.

2. Student Loan Dead Pool

Five college-age ‘students’ bilk the system out of a quarter of a million dollars each for loans, then drop out of college and disappear into equatorial Costa Rica. The pledge? The last man still standing has to pay off the entire bill. Think of it as ‘Survivor’ combined with ‘Battle Royale,’ with a little bit of ‘Dangerous Minds’ thrown in for good measure. Also, one of the participants is secretly Gen-X, giving them a cynicism advantage that just might see them outlast, outwit, and out-debt.

3. Antiques Road Show For Phones

Millennials bring in older phones they find around the house that used to belong to their parents, and then two hipster hosts spend 10 minutes alternately making fun of their clunky functionality and breathlessly outbidding each other for the honor of snapping one on to their belt. Funds are raised entirely through micro-transactions tied to how many times the hosts say the words ‘flip,’ ‘Motorola,’ or ‘the 90s.’

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