3 Signs You’ve Been Replaced By A $50 Million Super-Yacht

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It’s a fear that most of us have: coming home and finding out that your family has replaced you with a $50 million super-yacht. Maybe it was built by Bugatti, maybe it’s a Philippe Starck design – but it doesn’t really matter, does it? Because that fucking boat is now eating dinner with your wife and kids, and you’re stuck scanning Craigslist looking for a cheap bachelor pad that won’t require you to turn tricks on a hidden webcam en lieu of rent.

How did this happen? How did you miss the signs, bro? Check out these indicators that your home life is about to be tossed on the rocks by a luxury yacht so that next time you tied up in the harbor of love, you won’t make the same mistakes.

1. You Keep Finding The Robb Report Underneath Your Wife’s Pillow

You’ve never caught her reading it, but it’s right there, sticking out from under her pillow one morning. Does she leaf through it at night after you’ve gone to sleep? Take it into the bath tub with her while you’re downstairs playing X-Box with the son who will soon find himself being loved and supported by a multi-million dollar high tech sea-going vessel? Are the ‘yacht for sale’ pages unusually dog-eared and sticky? The Robb Report isn’t something you can ignore, bro.

2. A Yacht Keeps Calling Her Cell Phone

It’s happened a couple of times now, hasn’t it? The family is having dinner, or maybe the two of your are watching a movie after the kids have gone to bed, when her phone vibrates on the table. She quickly puts her hand over it, before telling you it’s a ‘wrong number,’ but for a split second you saw the name ‘Y-A-C-H-T’ show up on the call display. It’s an invasion of the sanctity of your home, and if you let it slide, it won’t be long before she’s openly sending digital semaphore-sexts to that dirty, exciting boat while you’re right there in the room with her.

3. Your Wife Comes Home Soaking Wet From A ‘Girl’s Night Out’

Isn’t it weird that the locator on your wife’s phone – you know, that software you each installed on each other’s mobiles in case ‘they got lost’ – keeps showing her hanging out down by the harbor? Is that really where her girlfriends keep taking her on Thursday nights? And why are her shoes and socks always soaked through with salt water when she comes home. She dumps them on the floor by the door before heading straight to the shower – with her phone in her hand, of course. You’d swear you heard a diesel engine idling behind that bathroom door. Turns it you weren’t just being paranoid, bro.

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    Deedee 5 months

    Lol… I’m in