3 Times Channing Tatum Faked His Death – And Lived To Tell The Tale

By Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America (Channing Tatum Uploaded by maybeMaybeMaybe) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

It’s no secret that Channing Tatum is tired of the limelight, but what most of his fans don’t know is that he’s tried to escape the unblinking eye of the Hollywood paparazzi on no less than three occasions – each time by faking his own death. And each time, he was dragged, kicking and screaming, back into the star machine that he was so desperate to escape.

Let’s take a look at the 3 times Channing Tatum tried to faux-off himself, only to be pulled on-stage for one more curtain call by the reptilians power brokers that run Los Angeles.

1. Crushed By Matthew McConnaughey’s Thighs In Magic Mike XXL

During an unusual, never-before-attempted ‘human pyramid of man-flesh’ maneuver while rehearsing for the final production number in Magic Mike XXL, Tatum convinced Matthew McConnaughey to slip off of his shoulders and wrap his massive, muscular thighs around his face, crushing his gorgeous features and sending his nose bone up into his brain, where death was instantaneous. Unfortunately for Tatum, he didn’t realize that former WWE superstar Kevin Nash had had that exact same brain injury seven times during his career, and was capable of not only removing the bone without causing further injury, but also of using wrestling magic to restore all of Tatum’s brain function. Plastic surgeons took care of the rest, giving Channing something the medical profession calls ‘the hundred yard squint’ that would dog him for the rest of his life.

2. Strangled By The Rock On The Set Of G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra

Dwayne Johnson is a man of his word, and after Tatum saved his life by pulling him from the wreckage of a burning hovercraft at his bachelor party, he agreed to strangle the young star in front of his family and friends during an ill-conceived game of charades at the G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra wrap party. You never heard about that one, though, because when The Rock strangles someone, and they don’t die, well let’s just say every witness ends up either dead, missing, or, um, strangled themselves.

3. Neck Broken By Steve Carell While Rehearsing For Foxcatcher

It’s an open secret in cinematic circles that the only reason Tatum took on the role of Olympic wrestler Mark Shultz specifically so that he could convince his co-star, Steve Carell, to ‘fake snap’ his neck during one of their many wrestling scenes. Everything went according to plan, with horrified onlookers filming Tatum’s lifeless body with their cell phones as Carell sat on the wrestling mat with a look of horror on his face – only to break kayfabe by furiously tickling Channing’s ‘corpse’ until tears of laughter streamed down his previously-lifeless cheeks, ruining the plan and driving a wedge between the two men that lingers to this day.

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