3 Ways To Spin That Gift Card As ‘I Love You’

Picture of young man showing disapproval to woman with many shop

Shopping for people is the worst, especially if it’s for the one you care about more than anyone else in the world. Or your significant other. Either way, the holidays can be a stressful time, which is why you don’t understand why she just isn’t more cool about gift cards. After all, she gets exactly what she wants, you get to spend 30 seconds in the check-out line, and life goes on. Right?

Check out these 3 ways you can spin that gift card as an ‘I love you’ this holiday season.

1. Put It In Her Wine Glass

If there’s one thing pop culture has taught you, it’s that women love anything that has anything to do with wine. Why wouldn’t that hold true for a $50 reloadable American Express card soaked in cabernet? Wait, should it have been red or white to go with the magnetic strip? Damn.

2. Give It To Her During Sex

This one’s going to be tough, because chances are you won’t last more than a pump or two when you’re so excited to slap that Best Buy gift card down on her chest between her dirty pillows. Just think about something else until the time comes to blow your carefully-denominated load – like baseball, or baseballs, or big sweaty balls—OH HERE YOU GO!

3. Make Your Own Gift Card

Get some construction paper, some markers, and some glue. Maybe some glitter, too. You know, girly shit. Take 10 minutes after work and cut it all up in the shape of a square in the front seat of your pickup, making sure to dust the glitter outside the open door – you don’t want it to look like a stripper exploded inside the truck.

Write ‘1,000 Free Hugs,’ or ‘Yes I Will Make Eye Contact During Sex,’ or ‘This Entitles The Holder To 30 Minutes Of Uninterrupted Listening,’ or whatever else you might have cribbed from the Cosmo magazine she left lying open on the dinner table last week. Add some hearts. You’re a genius.

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