3 Ways To Turn That Grey Belt Into A Blowjob

Fighter holding gold medal and screaming against composite image

So you made it through the beginner classes down at the local karate dojo, and while you might not have the respect of the scary bald dude in the MMA studio across the street who laughs at you when you step out of your car proudly wearing your gi, at the very least you didn’t have to change in the locker room with the scary bald dudes in your class.

More to the point, your robe is now firmly secured by a grey belt – a measure of accomplishment that proclaims to the world you probably won’t get beat down by the 11 year olds in the class ahead of yours anymore. If only there was some way to translate your prowess in the lower levels of a fitness-focused martial art into action with the ladies who have ignored you for so many years.

Oh wait, there is? Well that’s just great! Check out these 3 ways to turn that grey belt into a blowjob.

1. Tell Here ‘You Don’t See Color’

‘Isn’t a black belt more of a big deal?’ she asks you after you casually drop your grey belt status in conversation. Yeah, of course it is – if you’re a racist! Take both of her hands in yours, look her square in the eyes and say ‘baby, I just don’t see color.’ Your deep cultural sensitivity, coupled with your ability to probably (maybe) punch through a piece of drywall, is a guaranteed ticket to oral excitement.

2. Wear It All The Time

Yeah it’s a little weird that you’re wearing your grey belt wrapped around your waist at what was supposed to be a fancy after-hours happy hour with a dress code, but just tell her that once the doorman saw you were serious about the attendance component of your entry-level karate class he knew that you weren’t someone he wanted to mess with. Oh, you’re wearing it around your head? Even more badass. The fact that even from across the room she knows you’re going to be wearing it to bed later, however, is what seals the deal.

3. Tie Yourself To Her Car, Follow Her To Work, Prove Your Devotion!

That grey belt’s polyester fibers are surprisingly strong – but not nearly as strong as your unbreakable spirits. Prove it to her by car-skiing behind the bumper of her Toyota one morning, making sure she sees you in her rearview mirror as you skid in the most manly way possible across the asphalt. Just pray she doesn’t stop suddenly, because you sure as hell can’t. You can already feel the warm, inviting sensation of her mouth closing on your member as they lift the stretcher into the ambulance.

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