4 Reasons Your ED Drug Isn’t Working
You dialed that mysterious late-night phone number. You had the awkward talk with your doctor. Or maybe you just slipped Bobby at the gym a handful of twenty dollar bills and found a baggie in your locker after your workout. Whatever path you took to fighting erectile dysfunction, we salute you, brave sir.
But we’re also pretty sure you’re doing it wrong, because your Union Jack still isn’t up to the task of saluting the Queen, is it? Check out these 4 reasons why your ED drug isn’t working, and get back in the game.
1. You Rubbed It Into Your Scalp
We don’t care how many banner ads you’ve been both consciously and subconsciously subjected to over your years on the Internet: rubbing Viagra on your forehead isn’t going to bring your hairline back, nor is it going to snap your little soldier to attention. Not unless you crush it up into a fine powder and then mix it with a paste made of walrus tusk and cobra venom first, you idiot. Do you even Google?
2. It’s Actually Some Form Of MDMA
You can’t get it up, nor can you stop touching the fur lining of your girlfriend’s winter boots against your face. How old was that guy Bobby you bought this from again? Did you tell him you wanted to ‘roll’ or ‘ball?’ It’s a little late now, cowboy.
3. Wait, No, It’s A Flintstones Vitamin
Probably Barney, but maybe Fred. No Wilma for you tonight, but at least you got some iron.
4. You’re At A Parent-Teacher Meeting
You couldn’t remember whether your doctor said to take it 30 minutes, or 36 hours before sex. Now you’re back in a high school classroom, trying desperately to think unsexy thoughts while your son’s Art teacher drones on and on about the violent imagery in his pottery. Oh man, pottery. That scene from Ghost. Patrick Swayze. Is it getting hot in here or what?