4 Red Flags Your Tinder Date Is Actually Dead
Tinder can be fun, but most of the time, it’s a sad way to swipe your way through an evening alone. That makes it even more important not to accidentally set up a Tinder date with someone who might actually be dead – if not on the inside, then certainly on the outside.
Check out these 4 red flags you Tinder date is actually dead.
1. You Picked Them Up At A Funeral Home
Funeral home pickups aren’t an instant red flag – after all, who hasn’t had a fantasy about dating a hot Morticia Addams-type undertaker’s daughter? The thing is, when you have to swing around behind the building, pull up to the loading dock, and then dump a heavy, obviously-full-of-body coffin into the bed of your pickup, then your date is probably 100 percent dead.
2. She’s Just Not Eating
No matter how many spoonfuls of mashed potatoes, forkfuls of salad, or sips of red wine you try to force into her mouth, she simply won’t eat. Instead, she stares at you in silence from across the table. Just like everyone else in the restaurant. Except for that one guy who’s calling the police.
3. All Of Her Tinder Photos Are From A Funeral / Crime Scene
You probably should have picked up on the fact that her Tinder pics seem to have been taken by a crime reporter or grieving family member, but you were just so psyched that someone picked you that you never stopped to consider the fact that maybe they buried her with her phone and she just butt-swiped you from beyond the grave.
4. The Paramedics Have Pronounced Her Dead Three Times This Week
Each time you got worried that she wasn’t breathing after that round of mini-golf, and each time the paramedics told you the same thing: she’s dead, bro. But you just had to keep going back to the well, didn’t you Igor? Time to block that profile and turn yourself in to the authorities.