4 Signs You’ll Be Rejected By The Armed Forces

Man Races Miniature Army Jeep At Fair

You just turned 18 years old, and you’re gung-ho about joining the army. Maybe a little…too gung ho? It doesn’t honestly matter how old you are – if you trip any of the red flags that the military builds into its application process, you’ll never get closer to basic than marathoning Full Metal Jacket in your parents’ basement.

Check out these 4 signs you’ll be rejected by the armed forces.

1. You Keep Referencing Your Own ‘Private Army’

No one cares that your dad was the founder of Blackwater, or XE, or Murder Unlimited, or whatever it’s called now. Brown-nosers aren’t appreciated, and neither are subtle hints that you’ll call in an air strike if you don’t make lieutenant by the end of your first tour.

2. You Brought Your Mother With You To The Interview

Referring all questions directly to your mother might make it easier for you to focus on Candy Crush during the interview, but it certainly won’t score you any points with the recruiter. Unless you can bench-press your mother. Can you do that?

3. You’re 10 Years Old

Maybe there are times when age does matter to a military recruiter. Because 10 is clearly too old to be accepted to the Young Spies program, but too young for Advanced Tween Sniper School. It’s kind of a no-man’s land of service that you’re just going to have to suck up and accept, kiddo.

4. You Can’t Remember Waking Up In This Room

Or how you got there. Or why you were cloned in the first place. Or how you’re going to explain to your recruiter why you can set fires with your mind.

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