4 Ways Apple AirPods Have Already Confused Your Parents
Earbuds were confusing enough to anyone over 60 years old when they still had wires attached. Now that the safety harness has been snipped by Apple, get ready for the deluge of frantic phone calls from your mom as she performs an emergency tracheotomy with a pen after your dad ‘accidentally’ swallows one of his new AirPods.
Even if things don’t get quite that dramatic, AirPods are a nightmare waiting to happen in your family. Check out these 4 ways Apple’s AirPods have already confused your parents.
1. Your dad has been to the emergency room twice to check out the ‘voice in his head’ that keeps telling him the synopsis to every NCIS episode in chronological order. It turns out it’s just Siri reading him his entire web browsing history via an impacted AirPod.
2. Your mom has so far tried to plug her AirPods into a household outlet, a 9-volt battery, and her electric toothbrush charger in an effort to ‘boost the battery’ so she can eavesdrop on the neighbor’s baby monitor while they are fighting over money.
3. Both your parents are completely unable to understand that they can’t just share by putting one AirPod in a single ear and then magically be able to better hear Steve Kroft’s dulcet tones during 60 Minutes, like they could with their Whisper 2000. This leads to a tense stand-off about which one of them has ‘the bad ear,’ followed by separate bedrooms, and, potentially, divorce.
4. When your father fell in the pool while trying to cover it for the winter, your mother tossed him first one AirPod, then the other, not realizing she would be unable to pull him to safety like she did that one time in Montauk with her big 70s-era Sony cans. As he sank beneath the leaf-covered water, clutching the useless technology in his twitching hands, she suffered a grief-aneurysm before she could hit the panic button on her medic alert bracelet. And so it goes.