4 Worst Blockbuster Movies Of 2016, Ranked By Lack of Nicolas Cage
Not every movie can feature the mercurial talents of Nicolas Cage, but – wait a minute, why the hell not? Cage loves to put in time in front of the camera, has a wide-open schedule, and is most likely extremely affordable given the crushing tax debt that seem to drive most of his script choices.
With this in mind, we took a look at 2016’s blockbusters to discover which ones displayed the most egregious lack of Nicolas Cage. You might be shocked, but the movies on this list had absolutely no Cage in them, whatsoever.
1. Suicide Squad
Was there any way this schizophrenic superhero mess could have been saved from itself? Of course: by casting Nicolas Cage in every single role. It’s such an obvious solution that even Jared Leto would have willingly bowed out for the chance to witness the glory of Cage’s Joker facing off against Cage’s whoever the fuck other characters might have been in this film. We don’t know. No one here saw it. None of us ever will – until they remake it with Cage.
2. Independence Day: Resurgence
Can you believe Nicolas Cage doesn’t have a single scene in this sequel to ‘Independence Day?’ Was there no discussion of at least replacing Will Smith’s character with Cage, a twist that could have easily been explained away with a single line about the effects of long-term exposure to alien radiation? I mean, that’s how Cage was born unto this Earth in the first place, forged in the gamma oven of a long-forgotten extra-terrestrial race determined to colonize the movie industry with the most over-the-top reaction shots of all time.
3. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
So we have a world where Batfleck is a thing, but Supercage isn’t? That’s not a world we want to live in.
4. Doctor Strange
If there was a movie that seemed custom-made for Nicolas Cage to do his Nicolas Cage thing, it’s ‘Doctor Strange.’ After all, this is a man who built a giant pyramid mausoleum to house his remains in New Orleans, and yet there’s not even a single cameo from Cage in a film that focuses almost entirely on an egomaniac learning the mystical arts by way of a spiritual journey that could have been shot almost entirely inside Nic’s pyramid, saving tons of budget and finally allowing him to use it as a tax write-off.