5 Easy Tips For Avoiding Emotional Labor

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As red-blooded, heterosexual dudes we date ladies. Dating ladies is one of the manliest things a dude can do, provided he doesn’t get too girly about it with, like, flowers and caring and shit. But one of the biggest problems with dating ladies is that they have feelings. Worse yet, sometimes if you date them for a few weeks, or even a few months (don’t get crazy, man), they start to expect you to care about their feelings the way they care about yours. This means doing something called “emotional labor”, and son, the only labor you should be doing is in the gym. But you also need ladies to take care of your feelings, because that’s what ladies are for! You can’t ask your bros to do that shit. So how can you keep ladies in your life without actually putting any effort into caring for their lady feelings? Read on, my dudes:

Give her a vague sense that she might be crazy. Try flicking the lights on and off and telling her that she’s imagining it. We’ll come up with a cool name for this later, bro. I dunno. Lamping or something.

When she tries to talk to you about any of her feelings, remind her of how she’s always imagining the lights going on and off. Can she really trust any of her perceptions? Did you really not respond to that text? Maybe she should check her phone again. After all, she can’t even tell that the lights are totally not flickering on and off and on and off! The lamping will make her more open to your perspective, and you’ll be able to head off uncomfortable conversations before they even start!

If she starts to wonder if maybe you’re responsible for the lights thing, enlist the aid of your bros! They totally get how scary and gross lady feelings are. Have one of them sabotage the breaker while you’re inside with your lady. Who’s crazy now, Nancy Drew??

When your lady starts gathering a ragtag crew of friends and allies to help her prove she’s not crazy, remember, you’ve always got your bros. Most of her friends are probably also ladies, and if your bros say they’re all your crazy exes, everybody will be on your side! It’s foolproof! Everybody knows how crazy ladies are, and everybody knows that ex-girlfriend ladies are the craziest of all!

Eventually, your lady may leave you because of all the time you spent lamping her to convince her she was crazy. This is a way better outcome than having to deal with any of her feelings, do any dishes, or put the toilet seat down. Don’t stress, dudester! That’s why you never deleted Tinder off your phone.

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    Charlie 2 years

    Lamping. Brilliant. Fcking brilliant.