5 Hashtags You Confused For Relationship Status Updates

Following a girl you’re dating on social media can be a tricky situation – especially if by ‘dating’ you really mean ‘stood beside at a show you both coincidentally attended the week before.’

We both know that shoulder-to-shoulder encounter was no accident – it took days of careful online stalking to perfectly time your chance encounter – but you should be wary of diving down the Internet rabbit hole, lest you find yourself reading into hashtags that really have nothing to do with your (non) relationship.

Check out these 5 confusing hashtags that you should just chillax about, bro.

1. #AlmostIn

Sure, she posted this one under an Insta shot of her and her friends at mini-golf, lamenting her almost-perfect putt – but could it be she’s really talking about how close your digital surveillance has brought you to her heart?

2. #forgetthepast

Tearily appended to a Facebook post about her grandfather, on the anniversary of his death, you’ve chosen to interpret this as forgiveness for the time you commented ‘LOL’ under that status update about her mother’s appendectomy.

3. #JeSuisCharlie

Wasn’t that your nickname in high school? No, not your real high school, the one you attended (are still attending?) in Second Life.

4. #SundaeSunday

You once wrote a poem about her, which you posted anonymously on Yik-Yak, where you described licking hot fudge off of her feet for hour after ecstatic hour. She totally read that, and this is completely a validation of your #icecreamfantasy

5. #icecreamfantasy

Ok, now she’s just fucking with you.

Or is she?

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