5 Jobs Open To Men With Small Calves
Do you have small calves? Feel frozen out of a world that prizes thick, well-defined calves over all else? Ostracized by co-workers, passed over for promotions, shunned for that tenure track? Don’t worry – there are still a few jobs out there that men with small calves can perform adequately.
Get ready for the small-calves renaissance with these potential new career choices.
1. Drone Fodder
Drone operators aren’t born knowing how to rain Hellfire missiles down onto enemy combatants from 30,000 feet in the air. Small-calved men are encouraged to enlist in the Air Force specifically so they can join the ‘Target Acquisition Program’ (TAP), which will allow them to spend their final, weak-calved moments performing an important service for their country.
2. CPR Dummy
Weak calves are no detriment when all you have to do is fill your body cavity up with water and feign death while a group of teenage camp counselors wail on your chest for 45 minutes.
3. Organ Donor
Living organ donors are the rarest of lifesavers, but given that your tiny, almost vestigial calves have you on the outside of the herd looking in, wouldn’t you really rather gift a kidney or part of your liver to the large-calved alphas who run the show? Sure you would – and even if you didn’t, how did you plan on escaping? On those tiny things?
4. ‘Before’ Beach Model
Go ahead – show off those toothpicks, and then get out of the way when the guy on the Abdominizer somehow crunches his way to calves that can be seen from space.
5. Professional Video Gamer
No one will ever see you above the waist, which is really best for you, and for society.