5 Neck Tattoos That Say ‘I’m Unemployable’

Close up of Alex face tattoos including him wearing sunglasses
You’ve gotta attend those job interviews if you want the state-sponsored unemployment checks to keep coming – but you’d really rather not have any of these awkward one-on-one encounters bear financial fruit. After all, why kick a 9-5 every day if you can simply stay live on the couch and barely scrape by on the bare minimum you’d always suspected would be enough to keep you breathing and neck-deep in ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ re-runs?

The solution is so obvious you’ll wonder why you’ve never thought of it before: just get a neck tattoo. Simple, clean-ish, and effective, the right ink will make sure no one accidentally hands you a job under any circumstances.

Check out these 5 neck tattoo strategies that tell the entire world ‘hey, I’m unemployable.’

1. A Gun, Pointed At The Interviewer

Any kind of linear perspective weapon will do, really, but a gun tattoo just says ‘I can’t ever hold any type of customer-facing position under any context.’ Unless you are applying a gun store, of course, but you’re not, because having that much power is just too terrifying for you to even contemplate.

2. Hello Kitty

A grown man with a Hello Kitty tattoo on his neck tells you two things: he makes really bad decisions, or he’s totally into luring children somewhere dark, secretive, and permanent. Neither of those qualities will have managers rushing to hire you.

3. Your Own Phone Number

Whose phone number is that? Oh it’s yours. Are you going to get ‘for a good time?’ or ‘complaints?’ tattooed above it, too, or will that blow the budget for this fucking masterpiece?

4. RIP (insert child’s name)

Can’t wait to get hired before you are hired? Cut out the middle man and just have ‘RIP (insert child’s name)’ tattooed on your next, because nothing makes people more uncomfortable than some dead kid being commemorated behind your five o’clock shadow. For extra creepiness, add a fresh name every two weeks.

5. Slayer / Hanson / Bieber lyrics

Or how about a mix of the three? That way you’ve covered the gamut of out of touch / over the top / physically repellent entertainers for the vast swathe of mainstream HR personnel who secretly have the words to Adele’s entire first album tattooed on their lower backs.

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