5 New Pickup Truck Air Suspension Technologies That You Won’t Understand But Will Probably Buy Anyway
It seems that we’ve been wrong about pickup truck buyers all this time. Instead of wanting bare bones, back-to-basics trucks that will last forever and get the job done, many consumers are falling in love with the complicated, failure prone Ram 1500 and its fancy air-bag suspension. In response, truck manufacturers from across the globe are coming up with even more innovative answers to whet the truck buyers’ appetite.
What does Ram’s air suspension do? In theory, the truck will automatically level in order to accommodate a loaded bed, but in practice, consumers will just flip a switch to toggle maximum ride height in order to look school bus drivers at eye level. This feature proved to be a big hit with the company’s focus groups, which was made up of Ram and Dodge fan boys.
“When I saw that big ‘ole grille and the chrome-y mirrors and wheels, I just knew that the new truck was going to stomp all over that dumb Ford and ugly Chev,” said Billy-Bob Ramtrucks, one of the focus group participants. “I remember saying ‘that fucking rocks’ and then we all shot gunned a beer!”
With Ram being seen as the front-runner in this technology, other truck companies are jumping into the market with their own interesting suspension setups.
Expect the upcoming Built Ford Tough Ford F-150 Made By Military Grade Aluminum to feature the new EcoLift suspension technology.
“Everyone else has been doing adaptive and raised suspension all wrong,” said Luke Mevine, from Ford’s truck communications team. “We went back to the drawing board, and came up with an air-bag suspension set-up that can raise or lower the trucks height, through a toggle on the dashboard.”
In order to help customers understand that the truck is so different from the identical Ram offering, Mevine explained that the added benefit of adjusting the ride height of the truck is to improve fuel economy.
“Half the time the trucks are empty anyways, so EcoLift is actually beneficial to truck owners,” he said. “Keep in mind, the new Build Ford Tough Ford F-150 comes with an EcoBoost engine and aluminum body that will also help keep fuel economy down. The suspension is also made of aluminum and so are the switches used to operate the system,” said Mevine. “And not just any grade of aluminum, but bad-ass, hard-core, super-sick, unbreakable, invincible aluminum.”
Chevrolet and GMC
Chevrolet has already begun a campaign that showcases the horrors and failures of its competitions products.
“Look, air just isn’t useful when it comes to trucking,” said Phil Lionheart, from GM’s Truck Communication team. He showed us a bucket, explaining it was filled with air. He then dropped rocks into the bucket, where they clanked harshly to the bottom of the receptacle. “As you can see, air just doesn’t do a good job of holding things, making air bag suspension a completely useless feature on our current trucks.”
Lionheart then said that the next generation of GM truck would definitely come with air bag suspension.
Shortly after our meeting with GM Truck communications, an unnamed person in denim overalls and a dress shirt met us, claiming they worked for GMC. They explained to us that the Sierra 1500 is currently offered with magnetic ride control, which uses the earth’s magnetic field to help keep the truck level and comfortable.
Nissan Titan XD with Dyson Airblade Pro Bagless Airbag Suspension
In a surprising announcement, Nissan has partnered up with Dyson to incorporate the vacuum-maker’s technology into its next Titan pickup truck.
“Dyson has a lot of experience using air to do magical and impressive things, so the partnership made total sense to us” said Nissan truck spokesperson intern Candace Singleton. “Not only will this new relationship help us deliver top-of-the line air-suspension in the next Titan, but it also shows customers that we’re the real deal.”
While Dyson explained that the suspension setup would take advantage of the brands patented bagless airbag suspension technology, they will also include the patented Air Multiplier fanless cooling system into the trucks HVAC system.
It’s a familiar strategy for Nissan, who recently teamed up with known and established diesel tractor engine maker Cummins for the Titan XD.
Toyota Tundra Takata Air Suspension
We reached out to Toyota to see what kind of suspension we can expect in the upcoming Tundra, but was met by a panicked sounding Greg Taguchi, who explained that the company is recycling defective Takata airbags, and has found a use for them in the new full size pickup truck. “Everyone’s been on our case about boring and unexciting vehicles, but this new feature will blow everyone away, literally!” Taguchi said with a maniacal laughter.
Honda Ridgeline with AirDreams
Finally, everyone’s favorite underdog, Honda has been working on its AirDreams suspension system for the past few years. It’s planned to go into a version of the Ridgeline.
“After our EarthDreams engines were finished, we had to look up, to the sky for inspiration for our next big thing,” said Sparrow Falcons from Honda’s communication team. “AirDreams just made sense.”
AirDreams functions like a typical air bag suspension set up, but uses only clean, filtered air in order to appeal to environmentally conscious truck buyer.