5 Sex Moves Your Best Friend Has Already Tried With Her

It’s finally happening – you’ve moved past almost-second base and are rounding the plate towards home, or whatever other sportsy analogy you want to use to describe your successful attempt to ‘make the sex’ with a girl you’ve been seeing for the past several weeks. The only problem is, your repertoire of love is so limited that you’re worried she’s going to realize just how out of her league you really are mid-coitus, and then laugh you out of bed.

It’s a reasonable fear, but don’t worry, because your closest mate has already discovered ways to pleasure the woman you’re with that you could never have even dreamed of. Check out these 5 sex moves your best friend has already tried with her.

1. Looking Deep Into Her Eyes And Establishing An Actual Connection

Your buddy certainly wasn’t afraid to risk his soul and hers sharing a moment of something real, instead of just slapping uglies together from behind – so why are you so reluctant to even take off the blindfold while she goes down on you?

2. Spending More Than 30 Seconds With Her Clitoris

If your best friend could see the cursory attention you paid to her clit, he’d bust out his sweet two-fingered whirlpool of pleasure and school you good. What the hell were you thinking about when you were blowing on it from six inches away? It’s the primary female pleasure center, not dust on your DVD copy of ‘American Psycho.’

3. Asking Her If ‘It Feels Good?’

A genuine line of communication between two human beings is the key to ensuring everyone has a good time in bed, which is why your closest of close guy friends made sure to ask, and listen, if she liked what he was doing to her body. It’s impossible to achieve this kind of two-way street with your head underwater while she chokes you from outside the tub, so stop fucking asking for that, dude.

4. Putting Down Your Phone

Do you really have to make an animated gif of every single ejaculation? We admire your dedication to documentation, but your best friend didn’t put glass and a camera between himself and the girl who’s currently underneath you regretting the decision to Netflix and MPEG.

5. Aftercare

Are you in the shower 30 seconds after that gif file’s been uploaded to Snapchat? You buddy didn’t roll off the bed and into the bathroom – he cuddled, coddled, and kissed her for more than a few minutes after his nasty business had been taken care of. We get that you’re afraid of intimacy, and yeah, she looks a bit like your mom, but whose fault is that, bro? Whose fault is that?

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