5 Shirtless Job Interview Tips
Sun’s out, guns out is the creed you live by, and you shouldn’t let something as trivial as a job interview that could decide your financial future and social stability interfere with showing off your massive pecs and biceps.
Check out these 5 tips for totally crushing that interview, shirtless.
1. Oil Up
Nothing dazzles a potential boss like an oily sheen accenting the ripple of your abs while you subconsciously flex them as an anti-anxiety technique during discussion of the six-month gap in your CV from when you just took time off to ‘tan and stuff’ with your bros.
2. Crush Something With Your Bicep
It has to be something impressive – forget a soda can, you’ve got to go all-out and just obliterate a stapler, a cell phone, or a photo of the interviewer’s family.
3. Keep Rubbing Your Chest
Flat palm, full circles, stare off into the distance while you do it. Preferably wait until you’ve been asked a question, like ‘how did you get into the building without a shirt?’ or ‘where is your shirt?’ or ‘why did you think it was acceptable to come to this interview without a shirt?’
4. Joke About Your Tattoos
Yeah, you really, really liked Third-Eye Blind when you were 18 years old, and now the interviewer knows that, too. Maybe just laugh it off or something, but don’t disrespect the band, because at this point, that’s pretty much like disrespecting yourself, too. Which you’ve already done by getting the tattoo.
What’s more uncomfortable than a man crying at a job interview? How about a shirtless man crying at a job interview. Bonus points if you can nipple-dance while you’re being escorted out by security.