5 Signs Your Motivational Techniques are Starting to Get Old

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HR has told you that you can’t crack the whip nearly as hard as you once could in the glorious golden age of middle management, but that doesn’t mean you should let your stable of motivational techniques grow stale. That sea of dead-eyed employees staring back at you during every sales meeting isn’t going to park another Porsche in your driveway, so you’ve got to know when it’s time to switch things up and swap the carrot for the stick.

Check out these 5 signs your motivational techniques are starting to get old.

1. You Wore A Horse Mask To Work For A Week. No One Noticed

How are you supposed to eclipse the previous quarter’s sales results if your team of worker drones won’t even acknowledge your existence? Even more alarming is the concept that they did indeed pick up on your new headgear, but decided that they were perfectly OK working for a balding half-man/half-horse middle-aged father of three.

2. Every Time You Ask A Direct Question, An Employee Starts To Cry

Hi, how are you this morning? Tears. Did you happen to file the Simpson report? Blubbering. Where should we hold the office Christmas party? Chorus of sobbing. Time to dial back on the tough love, tough guy.

3. Three People Died During The Last Office ‘Trust-Building’ Exercise

Fall backwards so that your co-worker will catch you before you fall into a pit of broken glass? Yeah, that’s exactly what they taught you at Hamburger University.

2. You Tattooed A ‘Zero’ On The Forehead Of Your Worst Salesperson

Jim usually has solid numbers, but not on Tattoo Tuesday where he took a big fat shit on his chances of going home that night without fresh ink on his face. You’re pretty sure the company will be able to settle the lawsuit out of court.

1. The Office Has Been Empty For Months

Why do you even keep coming in to work? Nobody else does. No one responds to your texts or emails, either. When was the last time you even got a paycheck? Can you remember what your title is? Better hold a mirror in front of your mouth to make sure you’re even still alive.

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