5 Things Going Through Her Mind When You’re Blowing That Glass, Bro

At first blush a glass-blowing workshop seemed like a good idea for a low-key second date. She gets to see your adventurous, artistic side, you get to see her, well, for a second time. Unfortunately, she also gets to feast her eyes on your lips wrapped around a four-foot steel pipe with a flaming orange ball attached to the other end, a decidedly un-erotic visual that could have long-lasting consequences should she ever decide to answer your texts again.

Check out these 5 things going through her mind when you’re blowing that glass, bro.

1. ‘Wow, he’s really got a death-grip on that steel shaft. I wonder if the internal bruising of his penis after so many years of forceful masturbation has already created a melty-man situation ‘down under’ that will translate into years of tearful, and ultimately unsuccessful penetrative sex sessions in his parent’s basement?’

2. ‘I didn’t know Groupon had a ‘failure’ section.’

3. ‘I wonder if Chad, the douchebag with the enormous penis who took me on a ‘blow-n-go’ date in his Camaro behind the Wal-Mart distribution warehouse is busy later tonight?’

4. ‘Does he really expect me to put that misshapen vase in a place of pride in my home? Doesn’t he know I have cats? One look at that thing and they’re back to pissing on my bed every second night.’

5. ‘What are the chances anyone in this room has noticed that I’ve just been making crack piped all evening long?’

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