5 Times It Wasn’t Weed in That Baggie

Are you tired of young punk drug dealers ripping you off with fake weed? Fake drugs are way worse than fake news, because they don’t just make you feel stupid – they also won’t get you high. Here are the weirdest and worse things that we were sold in a dime bag instead of weed.

1. Oregano

It smelled funky and inspired you to make some great food for your Nona, but sadly it wasn’t weed. The sweet tasting herb did get your ass kicked, though, when you tried to regift it to some high school kids down the street in the hopes that they’d stop, well, kicking your ass on the way to work in the mornings.

2.Grass From The Field of Dreams

As it was once said: “If you package it and sell it as weed, they will smoke it.” These shavings of a field were marginally cheaper than Kevin Costners pubes, and thus you set out to smoke yourself into a baseball fantasy world. Fortunately, unlike the other items on this list, the magical vegetation from Costners famous movie transported you to a timeline where you were a mascot for the Philadelphia Phillies and couldn’t stop dancing. It was a horrifying high.

3. Green Kinetic Sand

After you decided to “go legit” and get some cannabis from the store, you were given what the shopkeeper called “the latest craze.” It certainly was fun to play with, something you didn’t expect from weed (or a weed substitute) but everytime you threw it in your grinder, nothing happened. When you tried to smoke it anyways, it caught fire and began to scream, as it was really a dormant alien species.

4. Shredded Green Construction Paper

Serves you right for trying to buy drugs off an elementary school kid. With you in full withdrawal from the lack of green, you bought whatever looked like weed from a child, resulting in a whole baggie full of green construction paper and a lengthy prison sentence once his mom calls the number on your business card that you inexplicably left for him ‘just in a case.’

5. Astroturf

Purchased from a “legit grandson of Neil Armstrong” this weed was promised to be literally out of this world, as it was grown in a secret chamber aboard the ISS. In the end it turned out that it was really just the fake grass used on a puppy’s training pad, and you inhaled  everything. Now everyone calls you “Smokey Pee” and you’re the laughingstock of your social circle.

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