5 Types of Girls at Comic Con and How To Get In Their Pants
The San Diego Comic Convention just finished and take it from us here at Manonizer: there are plenty of sex-depraved girls roaming the halls waiting for you to take off their greasy Wonder Woman tee and send them to Smallville (that’s a reference to where Superman grew up, and has nothing to do with the size of your dick, but only because it’s SO CHEAP to license Smallville intellectual property online.)
Check out these 5 girls who probably won’t sleep with you at Comic Con.
Gender-Bending Cosplay Chick
Tights wrapped around a muscular body is typically your turn-on… and you’re almost certain that person in the Robin costume is a girl, but… you can’t be sure can you? Well, there’s only one way to find out, and this time it won’t be as awkward as it was at that high school wrestling tournament.
Make your move by explaining that you too can’t stand all the male cliches in the Comic-Book world, and take it from there. Don’t forget to mention how psyched you are that the new Doctor Who is a girl, and that you’d welcome a full physical from her any day. Is there anything hotter than being dominated by a girl in a male superhero’s costume? You’re about to tell us.
This girl loves stuff in mint condition so naturally she’s a perfect choice for your virgin dick. You’ll spot this girl in every comic kiosk and the late night auctions, and she certainly has a thing for toys, so if you do hook up then whatever’s going up your ass tonight will be made of medical-grade silicone for a change.
To get her attention, you have to lure her in by bringing up something truly special, so put away your Pokemon cards and start talking about how you actually have Heath Ledger’s clown mask from the opening scene in The Dark Knight. She’ll definitely jump your Thor’s Hammer following that, but beware, she may end up taking the most collectible thing you own: your heart (literally, she’s also an organ dealer on the black market).
Seen at every movie round table and table read is this wide-eyed beauty, vying for selfies and autographs of the latest superhero celeb. Her whole body is covered in signatures of famous people, and although you may be wondering why she hasn’t washed off that scrawl from Adam West, what you really want to know is who’s signed her fortress of solitude.
Easiest way to get the goods? Dress up like a celebrity! The easiest choice is probably a superhero in a mask, something like Spider-Man or Iron Man or Keith Richards. Thor is a good choice if you can nail a perfect English accent, and if you kinda look like a homeless person you can probably perfect a Captain Jack Sparrow look (ignoring the fact that he’s a Disney character that has nothing to do with comic con.)
Mid-life crisis mommy here might be the easiest score of the whole event. She’s trying to get in touch with her younger, nerdy side but with as she peppers your conversation with “interesting” and “fascinating” while checking out the ass of the guy standing beside you in line for Joss Whedon’s signature it’s clear she’s only here to score some nerdy energetic dick.
Just be your usual pathetic self to bed this cougar, and for the love of god don’t bring up the fact that you went to school with two of her kids. If you’re lucky you might learn a few things from her, or at least that’s what all your bar buddies say about sleeping with older chicks. Yeah., there are probably a few intense lessons about pervasive, overwhelming loneliness to be taken home from that Motel 6 room.
With her cool beanie and constant eye-rolling, you have to wonder: why is this girl even here? What do comics and video games have in common at all? But her intentions are clear, at least – she’s here to get new material and fodder for all the insults she’ll spew your way when you’re playing Call of Duty with all those other losers.
But you love her shit talking don’t you? It’s the closest you can get to a free sex-phone operator, especially since you’re still on you’re mom’s shared Anytime Minutes. Dial it up by saying she’s probably the worse Smash player in the room, and challenge her to an old fashioned brawl. Naturally you don’t have a chance, but maybe you can score some pity sex by being so bad, just like you used to get from your softball coach Or of course, she may want some physical satisfaction after dominating you so thoroughly digitally. Ante up and make sure to bet some stakes on the game, but remember, she’s probably a virgin, just like you – all gamers are.