5 Ways Brandon’s New Whiskey Hobby is Charming, And Not Insufferable
Your friend Brandon has discovered whiskey, which is to say it’s now the only thing he ever fucking talks about. Like some shot glass messiah, he wanders through your social circle extolling the virtues of aging techniques and wood flavorings, never once realizing that his love of artisanal alcohol is slowly driving a wedge between him and every single person he opens his mouth to.
Maybe there’s still a way to salvage the friendship. Maybe – just maybe – you can turn your attitude around and make it so Brandon’s new whiskey hobby is charming, and not insufferable.
Let’s give it a shot.
1. When He Asks To Compare Palates, It’s Kind Of Flattering
Brandon’s really excited to share with you the subtle earth tones he detected in the glass of Macallan he just poured for you. You should be equally jazzed to tell him that in your mouth, it tastes like lighter fluid poured through a Benadryl campfire. Honest sharing is the basis of any friendship, so don’t feel like you have to turn your head when you spit it out onto the floor.
2. ‘Ultra-Purified Ice Balls’ Would Be A Cool Band Name
Yeah, it’s weird that Brandon keeps a steel box filled with perfectly-spherical balls of ice made from glacier water shipped over from Siberia’s Koryak mountains. It’s even stranger that he cuts them in half before making you place one under your tongue before you take a shot. Still, you’d rather be doing this than hanging with your friend Steve. Steve’s into hatchet-throwing.
3. Posting Nudes On r/whiskey? Brandon Sure Does Need Approval, And He Came To You To Get It
Better just to tell him that yes, whiskey is amazing, and no, you don’t want to see his ‘studio,’ and yes, you do have an Uber waiting outside.
4. His Whiskey Atlas Is Clearly A Labor Of Love
He put a lot of work into that – cardboard, Sharpies, stickers, old labels, what looks like the stains left by his whiskey-soaked tears. Maybe, though, you should tell him that the next logical link from Jack Daniels to Maker’s Mark to Lagavulin 25 is ‘loneliness.’
5. That Necklace Made Of Cooling Stones Is Actually Pretty Boss
You’re not sure that after drilling a hole through whatever mystery chill mineral he paid $50 for on eBay its actually safe to keep it in contact with skin over the course of any given 24-hour period, but hey, it could be worse – it could be puka. Bonus: You can always just picture him choking on them one night, alone in his study, surrounded by his many leather-bound books.