5 Ways the Share Button on PornHub Is Useful

You may think the share button on PornHub is socially unacceptable addition to your favorite website, but it can actually prove to be pretty useful in some very particular circumstances.

1. To better articulate your kinks when inebriated

You’ve been there, finally hitting it off with a girl at the bar or club, but you may have taken way too much liquid courage to climb that mountain. Now you can barely talk – but fear not. Just give her your Twitter handle so she can see all the PornHub scenes you’ve shared with your friends and family recently, and there won’t be any miscommunication about who needs to be wearing the cuffs, and what your safeword actually is.

2. To get that aggressively flirty guy off your back

Occasionally that Cosmopolitan you’re drinking gives guys at the bar the wrong impression. You got all your experimenting done last night in college, so all those PornHub videos you shared on social media will erase all of the any ambiguity about your sexuality. Learn this phrase: “Sorry bro, I don’t swing that way tonight. check out my Twitter account, I’m totally into whatever’s available girls.”  

3. Bailing you out of a murder case

It’s totally cool to tell the judge in a high-profile murder case that you couldn’t have killed that man because you were whacking off when the alleged event happened. It’s totally believable, too, because when aren’t you whacking off, and it’s almost a given that they’ll let you off the hook since no one can be in a bad mood when touching themselves to free internet porn! Well, except for sociopathic killers for whom pleasure and murder are inseparable. But why bring that up and ruin a good alibi?

4. Proving to your parents that you’re into women

If your parents are getting suspicious that you may not be actively working on the idea of grafting another branch onto the family tree, your latest shares on Facebook will help them accept that you’re at least into the idea of women and would impregnate one if you had the consensual chance… If you’re sharing the right kind of videos that is, because let’s face it, she can’t get pregnant there, can she?

5. Showcasing you’re an equal opportunity masturbationist

Equality is a huge deal these days, and employers at major companies are sharing their diversity information and numbers. You can get the jump on them by sharing what PornHub videos you’re watching and showcase your ability to jerk it to people of various backgrounds, orientations or preferences. Put the link on your resume, or better yet, make a ‘digital’ resume that’s really just a video of your face busting a load out to something that’s only legal in Bratislava.

 

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