8 Signs It’s Time For Super Granddad To Hang Up The Cape
When should you tell your once-mighty grandfather that the forces of good and evil have left him behind in a cloud of oatmeal-flavored, AARP-sponsored dust? Hopefully before he breaks his hip and dies sad and alone in a superhero home. Man up, you monster, because it’s time to take super Granddad out of circulation. Here are the signs it might already be too late.
1. Cape or diaper? A superhero shouldn’t have to choose, and those kids at the park shouldn’t have to watch him make that choice.
2. The last time he tried to find a phone booth to change into his costume, he ended up naked at a Doctor Who convention.
3. His latest superpower: falling asleep behind the wheel.
4. Constant Viagra use has his Erection of Steel endlessly shattering the kneecaps of the innocent.
5. Arch-enemies have all moved to Tampa.
6. Uses his mask as a ‘scrotal support system,’ which he is constantly adjusting on the train.
7. Constantly interrupts epic showdowns with career criminals to show them JPGs of his granddaughter on his off-brand Android tablet.
8. Is often mistaken for the ghost of Richard Simmons when in full costume.