8 Signs It’s Time For Super Granddad To Hang Up The Cape

Senior in superhero outfit leaning on tree in park
When should you tell your once-mighty grandfather that the forces of good and evil have left him behind in a cloud of oatmeal-flavored, AARP-sponsored dust? Hopefully before he breaks his hip and dies sad and alone in a superhero home. Man up, you monster, because it’s time to take super Granddad out of circulation. Here are the signs it might already be too late.

1. Cape or diaper? A superhero shouldn’t have to choose, and those kids at the park shouldn’t have to watch him make that choice.

2. The last time he tried to find a phone booth to change into his costume, he ended up naked at a Doctor Who convention.

3. His latest superpower: falling asleep behind the wheel.

4. Constant Viagra use has his Erection of Steel endlessly shattering the kneecaps of the innocent.

5. Arch-enemies have all moved to Tampa.

6. Uses his mask as a ‘scrotal support system,’ which he is constantly adjusting on the train.

7. Constantly interrupts epic showdowns with career criminals to show them JPGs of his granddaughter on his off-brand Android tablet.

8. Is often mistaken for the ghost of Richard Simmons when in full costume.

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