All Future Blockbuster Movies “To Be Completely Post-Credit Scenes,” Says Hollywood

Following the recent announcement from James Gunn about the five post credit scenes that will be shown near the conclusion of the Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, several directors of upcoming blockbusters have reached out saying that they too will include “lots of post credits scenes.”

“Post credit scenes really took off following Iron Man and challenged movie goers to sit through about 90 seconds of irrelevant scrolling names and titles,” said movie critic Jeanne Sixsle, from Internet Database of Movies. “But patient watchers are rewarded with a 10 second long cinematic experience that is both extremely entertaining and curiously omitted from the original movie’s story structure.”

Citing the “added value” that post credits scenes provide, movie-fan Brian “Big-Ticket” Johnson says that he’ll be attending every movie that announces their post credits. As for movies that don’t have post credit sequences, Johnson says “I won’t be wasting my money on those movies, but I’ll probably sneak into them.”

“We’re definitely adding post credits scenes that will showcase what the future holds for our non-central characters,” said Jimmy Cameron, director of Titanic 2. “The lives of random characters will be portrayed by my kids and family, which helps keep costs down, and counts as both family time and court-ordered dad-and-kids time.”

Upcoming Marvel superhero spin-off Iron Woman will showcase a few steamier scenes that didn’t make the cut. “The MPAA actually judges the content of movie between the opening credits to the ending credits, allowing us a little bit of a loophole to show some hardcore sex or gory dismemberment and still advertise a PG rating,” said director James Knife. “Or we can even show gory dismemberment sex without having to worry about alienating our target demographic, whatever that is.”

Other directors are going all-in with the post-credits scene phenomenon. “The next Batman movie will be exclusively post-credit scenes,” said Sack Znyder, whose movie titled “Batman: the re-re-reboot” is scheduled to hit theaters next holiday season. Cinema fans seem intrigued by the upcoming movie’s nonsensical flow of story due to the trendy decision from Znyder. “The studio heard that people liked to watch things after the credits, so we made the whole movie take place after the credits”, Znyder said, adding that ‘they have my family – somebody please do something.’

Even biopics are getting in on the trope that’s traditionally been saved for blockbusters. “It’s a place for us to show parts of the story that were left on the cutting room floor, but were still really well-shot,” said Moore Mickey, director of  “Burning Man 2: Coachella.” BM2:C is reportedly using its post credits scene to showcase some of the musical acts that took place during Coachella, which couldn’t fit in with the rest of the biopic that mainly focuses on the fashion-oriented festival that’s become a hipster-heaven in recent years. “We cut all the music content for more footage of the orgies and glamping,” said Mickey.

One avant-garde filmmaker is toying around with the idea of pre-credit scenes, but he’s unsure it’ll work out. Lint Yeastwood’s upcoming war blockbuster is about three wives of soldiers who have been deployed overseas and the troubles they have getting laid while their husbands are fighting terrorism with drones.

Not everyone is high on the idea of post credit scenes. “We’re spending so much money shooting these scenes that it’s hard to justify that cost,” says Taken 4 director Martin Starscese. “We’ve ending up making the credits, you know, the pre-post-credits-scene sequence, longer than usual, which was another unintended consequence.”

However, Starscese agrees that movie watchers seem to love these scenes. “Now if only we could encourage people to watch them in the theater and not on YouTube.”

Taken 4 opens this Thanksgiving season, but you’ll definitely want to wait for the post-credits scene to debut on the Internet before committing the money to watch the film.

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