Get To Know Her By Suing Her For Negligence
Isn’t it ironic that in the age of modern social media it’s actually getting harder and harder to really connect with someone in real life? Fortunately for you, we’ve got your back with a brand new strategy for meeting someone: suing them for negligence. How else to not only have a great story to tell other couples when they ask you in the court room antechamber how you met, but also do a deep dive on his or her background and make sure they’re marriage material?
Target Bike Lanes
The pretty girl who cycles past your house every morning seems so free and out of reach – until you step directly in front of her on the bike path. Months later, after the initial pain has subsided and you’ve learned how to walk again, you’ll both laugh about it all on the deck of the yacht her insurance company bought you. They also scored you those solid gold crutches – pretty sweet, y’all.
Maybe Forget To Chew
That hot new café down the street has an even hotter owner – and what better way to get their deets than by ‘choking’ on a muffin, danish, or artisanal sandwich of some kind? Remember, choking is better than burning (yourself with hot coffee) or electrocuting (yourself in the bathroom).
Take Too Much ‘Medicine’
That ER nurse was making eyes at you the entire time you were sitting in the waiting room with your ‘infection’ last month, so why not up the stakes and ‘accidentally’ overdose on the antibiotics she so brusquely handed to you after the doctor’s 10 second evaluation? Delve into her world of swing shifts and sleep deprivation in detail with your attorney, and then ask her out for ice cream.