How Good is His Sense of Smell? 3 Ways To Hide a Body From a Cop at a Traffic Stop
It’s a problem most of us have encountered at least once in our lives: some small detail, like a broken tail light or a cracked windshield, attracts the attention of local law enforcement while you’re on your way to dump a body deep in the dark, dark woods.
First, stay calm. Chances are, that cop doesn’t want to find a body in your car any more than you want him to. Think of the paperwork. The nightmares. The awkward stares down at the station house.
Beyond that, however, there are a few time-tested strategies you can employ to help you avoid the electric chair. Check out these 3 ways to hide a body from a cop at a traffic stop.
1. Use A Shit-Ton Of Axe
Axe body spray should be a religion for you, especially if you’re, well, trucking bodies from A to B on the semi-regular. Don’t just use it to douse the pools of sweat that accumulate around your neck and armpits from the stress of being a murder mule – although it’s important for the officer not to smell your fear – but make sure to fill a bath tub with it and dunk the dead guy, too. We recommend Anarchy For Him, Basic Instinct, and No Plea Bargain scents for maximum effect.
2. Invest In a Body Condom
Trust us: a cop who sees you wearing a full body condom isn’t going to want to talk to you any longer than is absolutely necessary. Marinating in your own bodily fluids is a great way to build a social barrier between yourself and other human beings, but you might want to preemptively zip up your victim in a body condom, too. Because, you know, germs.
3. Try Not Being A Murderer, Sometimes?
The urge is strong. Trust us, we understand. Think of how simpler life would be, though, if you didn’t have to move bodies at all. We’re not suggesting that you move out into the swamp, start a gator farm, and just drag the corpses of your victims into the mangroves. What we are saying is that a little anger management, or maybe a therapy dog, could see you downsizing your murder mobile into something with a smaller trunk that gets better gas mileage. Win-win, for both you and society at large.