How Many Hipster Points Can You Score In This Photo?
There’s a whole lot of hipster going on in this picture. Think you can spot it all? Wondering if you have what it takes to out-point your buddies? Check out this quick and dirty guide to out-scoring your buddies when it comes to the finer details of being cooler than, well, the guys in this photo.
1. Not only is that yellow scarf the fucking nads, but it’s also made out of genuine alpaca silk, which is made in an artisanal genetic laboratory via the recombination of silkworm DNA with llama-like creatures. Oh, and the laboratory DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A SIGN OVER THE DOOR, which means you have to already know where it is to even FIND this scarf.
2. These bros are obviously brewing their own beer, which explains the jaunty re-sealable caps. What’s harder to see is that the bottles themselves were hand-blown by Bob, who’s not in the picture because he ‘doesn’t like to have his still essence captured digitally.’ Bob might be a bit over-the-top when it comes to photography, but the fact that he shaped those bottles out of sand that was originally dumped on the Chernobyl reactor fire means he’s only got a few more hours to live, so everyone cuts him some slack.
Additional Radiation Points: 150
3. Raoul’s moustache has been carefully trained to respond to the pheromone levels in the room. Good vibes = an upwards arch, while tension sets it rod-straight pointing to the sides. What gets it pointing down, you might ask? Well, that’s between you and Raoul.
4. Yeah, those are probably baby dreds, or braids, or cornrows, or whatever, fading to blond and pulled back over Raoul’s head. The more important question is, why is his buddy James wearing a hard plastic hairpiece on top of his shaved skull? And will it protect him from a concussion when he falls off his pennyfarthing because he had to swerve at the last moment to avoid running over a woodland nymph?
Plastic Ken and Barbie Points: 600
What did we miss? Let us know in the comments!