How To React When You Get Fired By Your Fantasy Team

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Everyone on your fantasy team got together after last week’s games, and it’s unanimous: you’ve lost the confidence of the owner, the players, the franchise, and the fans. You’ve been canned, and you’re headed out the door and into a maelstrom of fantasy media attention about how you’ve absolutely failed to achieve any kind of fantasy success in a world of pure and utter make-believe.

How should you react? It’s time to get serious about your fantasy career and think about your fantasy future. Don’t burn any fantasy bridges – follow our fantasy advice, instead.

1. Address The Fantasy Legacy

Surely you want to be remembered for more than crying like a baby in front of 60 microphones the day you got fired. Take the opportunity to outline some of the major achievements you pulled off during your imaginary tenure as the brain trust behind a fake sports team. That trade you convinced your buddy Dusty to pull the trigger on after he’d had a few too many beers that one night in Week 3, the waiver wire pickup who saved your team’s ass after all those fantasy injuries, the weird allegations of fictional doping that you managed to get swept under the imaginary rug – it’s all worth a shout-out.

2. Do The Fantasy SI Profile

Totally-not-real Sports Illustrated reporter wants to do a fake profile on the impact you had on your fantasy league while you were still permitted to sit at their table on Monday nights at the local pub? Take that banana-phone call, my friend – and remember to dish the dirt on every member of the fantasy administration that got in between yourself and web-based scoring glory. In particular, tell everyone that Andrew is a total fucking asshole commissioner who you’re pretty sure just drank your dues minutes after you handed them over.

3. Consider Your Fantasy Options

You’re too young to fantasy retire, but too tarnished to slide into a position in upper fantasy management. You’re only fantasy hope is to find a fantasy league that has yet to hear of your imaginary (but also very real) incompetence so you can slide in and take over a franchise that’s in as much trouble as the one that booted you out. Maybe somewhere in the next town over, or perhaps in a sport you’ve never fantasy sucked at before like Premier League Soccer or darts. Is fantasy darts even a thing? It is, but only for fantasy losers like you.

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