How To Tell If Your Tinder Date Is Actually An Alien Sex Hunter

Don't be fooled by the rainbow hair. She could be an Alien Sex Hunter.

Don’t be fooled by the rainbow hair and dead-eyed stare.

So you’ve been swiping left and right all night, and the time has come to actually step up to the plate and communicate with your Tinder match. The thing is, you can’t be too careful these days when you put yourself out there. How do you know the woman who created that account is, you know, actually a human being and not an alien sex hunter who intends to make a trophy out of your average, but still impressive-to-its-species genitalia?

The digital age has made dating a complex dance of ones and zeros, so why should you have to worry about genital decapitation on top of everything else? Here’s a list of helpful hints that can help identify whether your Tinder date is actually human or an alien sex hunter masquerading as human BEFORE you meet up.

Probably Human:

•    Appears to have skin covering entire face in all photos
•    Makes no reference to the ‘Treaty of Algernon’ when making dinner plans
•    Uses emojis to describe her mood
•    Doesn’t suggest meeting ‘where only the stars will bear witness’

Probably Alien Sex Hunter:

•    Exhibits extra appendages in one or more photos
•    Actually asks for a dick pic before the first date
•    Obviously photoshopped into group photos with ‘friends’
•    Uses emojis to describe her mood
•    Offers to pick you up and smiles knowingly when you offer your address
•    Has more than five consecutive consonants or numbers in her screen name

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