I Didn’t Join This Yoga Class To Make New Friends, Man Announces
In a startling move this afternoon, Gary, a 34 year old trader wearing Nomex leggings and three layered tank tops, announced to anyone who would listen at the start of his 4:30 pm yoga class at the downtown YMCA that he ‘didn’t join this class to make new friends.’
The surprise move came in response to the offered hand of his floor-mate and immediate yoga mat neighbor, Ron, who had extended his hand by way of introduction after his first few conversational gambits elicited no reaction from Gary.
With growing respect, the four other members of the bi-weekly Introduction to Yoga class listened to Gary as he explained that he was serious about improving not just his core strength and flexibility, but also regarding his quest to achieve what he referred to as ‘mental mind peace in a society that no longer respects boundaries.’
His instructor, a retired school teacher, had already agreed to offer Gary his own corner of the room, where he would be free to turn his back to her instructions if they in any way interrupted the flow of energy between his body and the universe.
‘It was just easier than maintaining constant eye contact with him throughout the entire class warm-up,’ she related, ‘knowing he was judging me for not accepting his invitation to ring the room in Himalayan salt.
Gary, who once flew over Tibet on his way to a 12-hour business meeting in Shanghai, expects to have exhausted the spiritual potential of the free (with Y membership) class within a few weeks, and is currently seeking new opportunities to expand his soul while simultaneously reducing his social circle.