Is Your Wife’s Ghost Making You Flaccid?
It’s the same old story, each and every Friday night: your date goes well, you end up back at your place, and before you know it, your wife’s ghost has put in an appearance to rain on the boner parade.
Who you gonna call? Why won’t she just rest in peace? No matter how tragic your wife’s death might have been, there comes a time when it’s simply not cool for her to be sprinkling melty spirit dust on Mr. Happy. And of course you’re the only one who can see her, so that’s one more Tinder hookup that won’t be swiping ‘fuck’ the next time she comes across your photo.
How can you stop your wife’s ghost from making you flaccid? Check out these three tips to keep you bustin’.
1. Sacrifice Every Fourth Date To Appease Her Anger
Even though she’s moved on to the next realm, it’s pretty clear that your dead wife isn’t ready for you to do the same when it comes to dating. Fortunately, it’s not all that difficult to distract a cranky spirit with a simple blood sacrifice, which means every fourth date you go on should be in a remote location where no one will notice the fire altar or that you came back out of the woods alone.
2. Create Your Own Reality TV Show
If you can’t stop your wife’s ghost from sapping your libido, then maybe you can try to profit from it – or at the very least, trap her and her ghost-agent in development hell, where the project will sit in turnaround for so long that she simply won’t have any energy left to waste on your cash and prizes.
3. Date Someone With A Ghost Husband
Turn a pair of lemons into lemonade by downloading the ‘GhostSpouse’ app and hooking up with someone who’s dead husband turns her vagina into dust each and every time she meets someone special. With any luck, these ghostly cock-and-cooch blockers will fall for each other and spend the rest of eternity generating ectoplasm far, far away from your former marital bed.