Meet The Hero Who Doesn’t Mind Using Condoms
I now know what a hero looks like. I also know his name. It’s Jeremy.
We met at MeetUp for Xena enthusiasts, and quickly hit it off. When the MeetUp at that cafe/bar/bookshop/barber shop/movie theater in Brooklyn was nearing it’s end, we exchanged numbers and agreed that we should def ‘Xena and chill’ sometime – and we all know what that means. (Sex! It means sex!)
After binging on all of season 4 of Xena, and watching multiple videos of the PC interactive game online, things started to get steamy. Not in the literal sense, as Jeremy’s mother had given us permission to turn the AC on, and the temperature was quite comfortable. (Sex! I mean we started having sex!)
When I said “we should probably put a condom on” I had anticipated that Jeremy would say what every other man I have ever had sex with has responded with.
“C’monnnn, just the tip.”
“But we’re in a public park, it’s just not natural.”
“Saltwater pools aren’t latex safe.”
“But what about your braces?”
Instead, brave Jeremy did the unthinkable. He said “You’re right, we should. Here, I actually brought one.”
Before tonight, this exchange had only ever happened in my wildest sexual fantasies. It was like when Xena and Hercules kissed that one time, except we did way more than kiss (Sex!). I was Xena and he, my Hercules. My hero.
But this was no fantasy. This unscripted moment was all-too-real.
“What did you say?” I was in utter shock.
“I said you’re right about putting on a condom.” Then he started to unwrap a Trojan. “I actually don’t mind using condoms.”
I didn’t know such noble men existed in this modern age. I thought chivalry and romanticism were concepts merely depicted in fiction, but I have actually met a Hercules IRL.
I reached out my hand, and softly stroked the side of his face.
“Better use two,” I cooed.