Moon Tourism Board To Elon Musk: Hey, We’re Here Too
The Moon Tourism Board held a press conference this past weekend after news of Elon Musk’s recent Mars colonization plan finally made it through the deadly cosmic barrier that separates man from space and all the way up into lunar orbit.
Citing its place in the hierarchy of near Earth objects, the President of the Moon, J. Tranquility made a passionate plea to the citizens of the planet below to also consider the barren rock immediately above them in their colonization/vacation plans.
‘The entire human population seems to have avoided the Moon after the incident in 2003 when a horde of ravenous Moon-Wings viciously attacked and massacred more than half of Moonbase One’s original population, he said, visibly holding back tears. ‘Since then, a handful of survivors have struggled hard under the non-stop bombardment of X-rays and internal political squabbles to survive in this harshest of environments.’
Tranquility then went on to remark that, given the huge number of rooms left empty and supplies untouched after the culling of Moonbase One’s original crew, there was plenty of room and food for potential colonists willing to put up with ‘the risk of evisceration by creatures science still does not completely understand. And also, X-rays.’
Tranquility’s statement came as part of a publicity blitz aimed at turning human eyes away from the Red Planet and instead direct them a little closer to home. Although unable to ever again walk in Earth’s punishing gravity due to his years of near-weightlessness, as far as anyone could tell the President of the Moon was in good spirits as he appeared over a 56k dial-up Skype link. A blocky, pixelated smile could be seen on the screen as he unveiled the planetoid’s new slogan: ‘Come to the Moon – We’re Here Too.’
The President ended his conference with a direct shot at Musk and his Mar’s obsession. ‘After all,’ he said, grimacing as violent solar radiation violated the failing shielding protecting Moonbase One, ‘No book ever ended with Goodnight Mars.’