The 3 Most Millennial Jobs Your Company Is Looking To Fill Until Baphomet Demands Tribute

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You might have heard that Millenials are tough to hire, and even harder to manage. It’s true – which is why your company has gone above and beyond to try to appeal to the younger demographic and build up entry-level positions that just might snag a few Millennial applicants.

Check out the 3 most Millennial jobs your company is looking for fill, and see how you can get that challenging generation to stick around longer than an iPhone development lifecycle. And also please the Older Gods.

1. Side Gig To Their Side Gig

Chances are the Millennial sitting across from you in the interview chair already has a hustle or two going on – perhaps a bespoke alpaca ice cream delivery service, or maybe a bakery where all food items have an uneven number of sides, and no raisins.

Here’s your chance to present a tedious data entry job, or position sorting nameless, forbidden artifacts as a side gig to their side gig, thus relieving them of the mental burden of thinking cubicle life has crushed their poorly-defined, nebulous dreams. Also, side gigs to side gigs don’t pay benefits, so you can spend those savings on proclaiming the greater glory of a long-hidden realm about to breach our own.

2. Meetings Blogger

Need someone to take minutes at the endless procession of meetings that dominate your daily schedule during the build-up to release? The term ‘personal assistant’ is poison to anyone under the age of 25, but slap WordPress onto the corporate intranet and be lenient when it comes to the use of emojis and you’ll quickly find a Millennial willing to be your ‘meeting blogger.’ Just make sure they never ask about Room 696, and everything will be fine until the days grow short and the nights grow long.

3. Sacrificial Offering To Baphomet

Short-term gigs are appealing to Millennials, and is there anything more impermanent than the weak life-force that beats within the breast of the young? Surely you can keep your hire interested until the solstice calls for blood on Baphomet’s altar. A young tribute is always the best tribute, and subsequently requires a smaller insurance payout to the family. That’s upper management-level thinking, sir.

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