Top 5 Movies To Get Her In The Mood
Finding the time to be intimate with your partner can sometimes be hard, especially given your 80 hour ‘work weeks’ and ‘inability to commit.’ Let’s face it, life can seriously get in the way. Whether it’s the distraction of a stressful job, the horrific obligations heaped upon you by the ill-conceived decision to have a child, or crippling alcoholism – it’s ok bro, I get it, you need a little help to get her in the mood when nothing else seems to be working.
Here are my recommended top five panty dropping flicks, that will have the two of you throwing down faster than WWE superstar [INSERT ENORMOUS CAUCASIAN’S NAME HERE].
1. Mac and Me
This movie is straight up sexy cat-nip! As far as I can tell, it’s a soft core porn about an alien penis creature. What’s hotter than that? Nothing, according to the restraining order that prevents me from linking to my Mac and Me fan-art.
It has the appeal of a classy art house flick, but the draw of this horror classic is that it’s a silent movie. Meaning that you can offer to make your own soundtrack, like a boot stuck in the mud only wetter, and one size too big. Sucking sounds are sucking sounds, right? #vampire
3. Finding Nemo
That kid wasn’t the only one looking to free something oily and blubbery from captivity. Too bad there won’t be a sequel to your five-minute masterpiece of perverted biology.
4. Paul Blart: Mall Cop
He’s the only person worse at his job than you are, and since your spouse is obviously turned on by incompetence, this seems like a no-brainer. Bonus points if either of you start crying in the act.
5. The Piano
Because that shit’s so boring, there’s really nothing else to do.