Upper Middle Class Man Struggles To Find Himself By Dating Much Younger Woman: The Movie

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You know how it goes. One day you’re at the top of the investment banking world, and the next you’re sitting alone on Christmas Eve in a high end sex club witnessing acts that would be illegal if you weren’t on a freighter anchored in international waters. It’s moments like this that make you realize you’ve sacrificed so much in your race to get to the highest rung on the corporate ladder, and perhaps spending a month or two toying with the life of a much younger woman who’s just starting to finally make sense of a very complicated world could help re-center you.

Fortunately, Hollywood is chock full of plots along these lines, available to actors and directors just edging past their primes but still eager to demonstrate their virility, and ultimately, their place in a society that is kind of uncomfortable they’re still in the spotlight.

Here’s three of them.

1. Older Man Meets Young Barista, Discovers He Likes Dubstep, Dumps Her After 3 Weeks

The scene where the two of them hit the club for the first time – VIP-style of course – is outstanding, as you simply couldn’t teach a man like Richard Gere those kinds of dance floor moves unless he had been born with a love for the bass-wobble. Critics will most likely blanche at the subplot involving student loans, Gere’s unwillingness to pay them off for his new lover, and the ultimate execution of the young female lead (played by Dakota Fanning) by U.S. Treasury agents coming to collect.

2. Older Man Uses Woman 30 Years His Junior For Much-Needed Stem Cell Transplant, Dumps Her After 3 Weeks

Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t known for his emotional range, but this medical drama is more tearjerker than trauma-inducing bullet-fest. This is especially true at the movie’s climax, where Arnie simultaneously thanks his young lover (played by Dakota Fanning) for her selfless donation of vital tissue, while also dumping her over Skype from his hospital bed.

3. Older Man Finds His Soul Reignited By His New Intern / Assistant / Nurse, Dumps Her When He Realizes He’s Inside A Computer-Generated Simulation That’s Keeping Him Alive As The Last Surviving Human Being On Earth For Study By The Artificial Intelligences That Rule The Planet

Self-explanatory, really. With Jeff Goldblum and Dakota Fanning.

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