Was Your Father A Wolf? Sniff Out These 4 Unmistakable Clues
Although you’ve never met him, you’ve always suspected, deep down inside your heart of hearts, that you father was more wolf than man. Or maybe entirely wolf. You’re not sure what’s genetically possible, because you slept through every biology class you were ever forced to take, but that doesn’t make your suspicions any less valid.
Your mother ignores every wolf-related question you’ve ever thrown her way, which is itself a confirmation of…something. How can you be sure, however, that your dad was a free-living, wild-spirited four-legged bringer of death? Check out these 4 unmistakable signs that your father was a wolf.
1. You Wear A Wolf-Related Shirt Every Single Day
While it’s true that the wolf is an incredibly powerful symbol of the freedom and raw animal passion that you bring to your job at Dairy Queen day in, day out, that can’t be the only reason your dresser drawer at home is almost exclusively packed with wolf designs. No, Target also had a sale, and then there’s the tattered wolf tank top you found in that old fort in the woods, not to mention the wolf hoodie one of your mom’s ex’s left behind in the garage after a two-week bender.
2. You’ve Got A Wolf Tattoo. On Your Face.
And one on your chest, one on your ass, one on each of your calves, one behind your ear, and even one just above your junk. You’ve nicknamed them ‘the Wolfpack,’ and while no one else has ever seen them all together except for that wrestling coach at the YMCA, you’re pretty sure they’re intimidating.
3. You’re Always Carving Wolves Out Of Whatever
Well, at least you tell people they’re wolves, because most of the time it’s pretty to tell what that misshapen lump actually is. Maybe it’s more accurate to say you’ve always got a knife in your hand? In any case, you’re pretty sure your father, the wolf, could instantly identify your art, but since he moved to Reno when you were six months old it’s pretty hard to verify that claim. Also, wolves don’t have phone numbers. Or have good credit.
4. You Have A Yard Full Of Wolves That Come To Your Window Every Night
Can’t you hear them howling as they lament the passing of your father’s spirit into the great beyond? Would they do that if he hadn’t been Otherkin like them? Or if you didn’t leave raw beef hanging from the tree just inside the fence? I don’t think so, bro.