Werner Herzog Debuts New Deodorant Documentary

Portrait of handsome naked man using an antiperspirant on a dark background

In a move that has startled his contemporaries and puzzled producers around the globe, Werner Herzog has just taken the wraps off of his 20-year deodorant documentary project.

“I felt that there was no better way to peel back the false skin of civility that mankind wraps itself in than by examining the olfactory boundaries we erect under our armpits – and occasionally, just above our backs,’ he said at a press conference this morning.

The feature, which runs a full three hours, 27 minutes in length, includes interviews with representatives from Mennen, Right Guard, and that woman in your yoga class who insists on using crystals. Conspicuously absent was any official comment from Old Spice. When asked about the omission, Herzog called the company ‘a flock of vultures poised to ‘devour the carcass of the Western world once we’ve all gone to sleep at night.’

Film-goers excited to learn more about anti-perspirants will also be disappointed by Herzog’s doc, which makes no mention of their development or even their existence. When pressed for an explanation, the documentarian dismissed the products as ‘sweat-soakers’ not worthy of his ‘deep and committed interest in the purity of stink-reduction methodology through the ages.’

Upcoming projects in the Herzog stable include an in-depth look at the history of Pogs, a touching spotlight on the romance that occurs between men in the isolated communities of the Hebrides and the horses that run free and wild there, and a short YouTube project focusing on President Lyndon B. Johnson’s unusual need to sleep upright in Air Force One when not required at the White House.

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