What These 5 Common Sex Dreams Really Mean On Your Parents’ Pull-Out Couch
The pull-out couch. It’s what you sleep on now when you visit your parents, after they turned your childhood bedroom into a man cave / sewing room / third bathroom / mail-order sorting business. It’s not so bad, really, except it’s right there in the middle of the house, which means you’ve got next to no privacy should mom or dad decide to wake up even earlier than they already do and head downstairs for a morning snack.
It’s a situation that’s confusing at best, which means those sex dreams you keep having at Thanksgiving or during the winter holidays can lead to some awkwardly-quiet breakfasts. Wouldn’t it be best if you could somehow silence your subconscious and figure out what the heck is going on before you have to make eye-contact across a bowl of oat bran with the woman who brought you into the world?
Check out our interpretation of these 5 common sex dreams that you’re having on your parent’s pull-out couch.
1. George Clooney Is Watching You Masturbate. Again.
This one’s easy, because you’ve been having it since high school. ER affected America in a wide variety of ways, but for most of us it was the implantation of Clooney’s grinning mug in our psyche as the standard we’d never once live up to in our lives – erotic or otherwise – that’s been the most lasting. Frankly, we’re amazed you can maintain an erection with him in the room. And with your parents in the next room.
2. You’re Flying Through The Air, And Your Penis Is Flying Beside You
Dissociating from your penis in dreamland isn’t really anything to worry about, unless you end up in some kind of kangaroo court where your penis is both judge and jury and the witnesses are all of the people who’ve seen you naked – regardless of the circumstances – during the course of your entire life. If this is the case, then you might actually die in your sleep.
3. You’re Getting A BJ From Your Sunday School Teacher
Are you sure this is actually a sex dream and not a repressed memory? Either way, counseling is in order.
4. Your Ex Is On Fire
Your ex is on fire, you’re on fire too, the room is on fire, the little boy bicycling down the street is on fire, everything is on fire, why won’t these dreams STOP?!?!?!?!??!
5. You’re Inside A Whale – Inside Another, Larger Whale, Who’s Ironing Right Beside You
Relax – your mom needs to get her ironing done, and 3 AM is her ‘quiet time.’ Besides, it’s not anything she hasn’t seen before.