What To Say To A Woman To Instantly Seduce Her

Portrait of beautiful sexy woman on blue

Who has time for conversation? Who has time to become a fully-actualized human being? Why not instead embrace an entirely scripted existence that leaves no room for error, regardless of whether you’re at work, at home, or desperately circling the bar five minutes before closing time?

If you can’t wait for words, then you certainly won’t be willing to invest in the spark of romance. Read on for the lines you’ll need to flip the switch from stranger to seduction.

•    Try a compliment. ‘You’re so tall,’ not ‘You make me feel small and insignificant because society values your beauty more than my earning power at this stage in our courtship.’

•    Rhyme everything you say. ‘Ants in my pants / do you wanna dance / I don’t / I don’t / I don’t / Lets leave now / Together / Then alone.’

•    Forget your own name. Ask her if you can use hers. Then vomit uncontrollably.

•    If your crush is a co-worker, steal her name badge, and pin it to the flesh on the back of your hand. Casually put your hand over hers while she’s unlocking her register. Smile confidently. No words needed.

•    Don’t address her face. Address a spot just below her face, but above her stomach. Use your tongue. Slur your words. Close one eye.

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