Why I Did It: Changed My Name To ‘White Power’

Real people, real life situations. Names have been changed.

“It Just Seemed Like An Easier Way To Get Meth”

White Power, 29, touches on the economics of cozying up to the Aryan Brotherhood

“Honestly, I was sick and tired of paying retail prices for meth that I knew was being cooked just a few doors down from my modest basement apartment, behind the train tracks in a shed where I used to find all those bags of glue and copies of ‘Juggs’ as a child,” he told us. “I wasn’t quite willing to get a swastika tattooed on my forehead just to save a few bucks, but since no one’s directly addressed me by name in over three years, what harm was there in legally making it ‘White Power’ and then flashing my ID to my dealer? I guess I never thought I’d be immediately fired from my job as soon as I filed the paperwork to update my 401k.”

“I Was Tired Of The Love Of My Family And The Respect Of My Peers”

White Power, 56, talks about his name change in the context of a spiraling pit of loneliness and despair.

“One day I just woke up and realized I had too many positive things in my life, and that if I just gave in to my self-destructive impulses and changed my name to ‘White Power,’ I could almost instantly be free of the friendships and family support that I had spent a lifetime cultivating. From there it was a quick slide into an existence framed by anonymous sex with closeted ultra-nationalists in the back of the pickup truck I lived in –until it was repossessed by my bank when they wouldn’t accept the currency I created out of used condom wrappers as a sovereign citizen.”

“I’d Already Done Two Evil Things That Day, And Was Looking For The Trifecta”

White Power, 3,124 years old, reflects on its role in the perpetuation of human misery.

“I’m open to all forms of human suffering, and the continual evolution of evil in social hierarchies. I’ve had so many names over the millennia that it was a no-brainer to latch on to the latest in group-think evil and claw my way to the core of the hatred fueling the current media cycle. Also, I did it for the clicks. Social media is actually really important in the third circle of Hell.”

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