You Got Caught: 3 Excuses For Naked Office Napping
Sleeping naked doesn’t just ‘feel better’ than slipping into pj’s – it’s also scientifically proven to extend your lifespan, enhance your sperm count, and perhaps even one day give you the confidence to move out of your parents’ basement.
At work, though, it can be tough to catch a few winks au natural without being escorted out of the building by two of HR’s taser-wielding enforcers. Check out these excuses you can deploy the next time you get caught napping in the nude behind your desk at work.
1. Use A CPAP Machine
Get a doctor’s note for sleep apnea, and then claim you have to wear a CPAP machine at least 2 hours a day, in addition to the 8 hours it’s attached to your body at night. Strap it to your balls for maximum effect.
2. Build A Giant Wall Of Aquariums On Your Desk
It’s hard to tell exactly what you’re doing on the other side of that 500-gallon tank filled with tropical fish. The water can play tricks on the eye, distorting a thumb into something that isn’t a thumb, for example. In any case, it’s plausible deniability, in fish form.
3. Remove The Light Bulbs From Your Entire Office Floor, Sleep Wherever You Want
Come in early one morning and just take down all the fluorescent light tubes on your floor. Spray paint the windows black. Spread a rumor about vampires on the office email system. Sleep wherever you want, champ. You’ve earned it.